Hot take on effective communication with those you disagree with.

Have you ever tried to write out a full, fiery response to someone’s controversial post that your values and beliefs have you opposed to, and just not ever post it?

This practice has helped me recently with my own emotional processing by giving me time, as well as perspective, to figure out what it is that I really want to say so as not to be yet another person on the internet shouting inflammatory, combative arguments into the aether where it will likely only heighten the emotional response of person on the receiving end.

I want to cut through the words and really gain perspective into the heart of what people are trying to say right now, the spirit of the text, if you will. More times than not, the driving force of their message is something that I can also get behind.

I try to ask myself these questions:

What is this persons true purpose for sharing this?

How can I get clear on their purpose without shaming them?

How can I communicate in a way that appeals to our shared morality?

Please, consider the implications of this.

When we shame one another for our beliefs and values, we are effectively shaming one another’s identities. And as soon as someone feels invalidated in that way, they go offline (figuratively, clearly not literally).

It tucks the shadow deeper into the collective unconscious and further radicalizes people. Which, as we can see, eventually leads to the manifestation of extremely toxic behaviors.

We know that people do not just become radicalized overnight. It starts as a seed somewhere, usually in childhood, and eventually grows so big that it becomes the reality of their identity.

Shouting at them, beating them up, trying to take them down a notch, really does nothing progressive for your movement (whatever your movement might be). If anything, it does the exact opposite.

The only good that comes from this is our own sense of satisfaction that comes from using another person as an emotional punching bag with the illusion that we are "helping", and then feeling superior for having done it. It is a strange phenomenon that a lot of us have found pleasure in at some point, myself included.

Another thing to consider:

We can not go into a conversation with the attachment of changing someone’s identity.

Attachment to outcome echoes the disbelief that it is even possible to begin with. It is a basic rule of practical magic, and I have observed this for myself on countless occasions.

I believe that having a progressive conversation with someone you disagree with is not about trying to sway them to your side, it’s about opening up dialogue so you can understand the driving force behind their beliefs, and find some common ground to stand on.

It’s about keeping a level head, predicting their thought processes, and being prepared to gently offer counter-arguments to their beliefs with no attachment to the outcome of change.

Even if the only thing you walk away with is some semblance of commonality, you have prevented that person from further radicalizing and I think that is definitely something worth celebrating in this social climate.

We can uphold strong boundaries and stand by our truths without shaming other people for theirs. It’s much easier said than done of course because these are beliefs and values that we are talking about. But it is possible.

I suggest we start with the people we are closest to, and allow it to unfold organically.

Take the time and the emotional labor to be patient, try to speak their language. Understanding the psychological mechanisms at play can help tremendously with this.

I believe that it is our responsibility to clean up our own act, and that starts with basic human empathy.

Important to note - I’d never put this responsibility on the shoulders of people who are actually oppressed, like BIPOC for instance, unless they choose to take it on themselves. That could be an entirely separate post in and of itself, but it needed to be said.

TLDR: Choose your battles. Refrain from shaming/belittling people, it only leads to further radicalization. Don’t go into a conversation with the intention of changing someone. Try to understand the driving force behind their beliefs/values. Find commonality in shared morality.

Hope that someone finds this useful, please feel free to add to this discussion.

xo

My Story...

Like a lot of us, I grew up with little knowledge of what healthy eating looked like. It was my personal interest, turned slight obsession, to study nutrition. Amidst a young modeling career and the pressures of being a young girl coping with trauma, I developed eating disorders that morphed my relationship with food. It seemed that I could never get it quite right. These years were filled with so much self-hate, shame, and guilt it led to physical depletion. It took me nearly 7 years to fully recognize my EDs and 9 years until I quit for good. I am still in recovery and work everyday to heal this part of myself.

In the early process of me healing I tried every diet I could: vegetarian, vegan, paleo, macrobiotic, etc... I was refined sugar-free and gluten-free, yet I still was being faced with digestive issues, chronic fatigue, anxiety, and weight gain.

Epigenetics drew me in specifically because I was interested in identifying which foods are best for MY most optimal body. As I started to learn more about this field of science, I realized that nothing stands alone inside of our bodies. All of our systems are intimately connected; and in order to address our body as a WHOLE being, we must be willing to look at all of the systems and processes as such. With minimal pressure we can apply the innate wisdom our body has unto our everyday lives and become optimal beings through the use of epigenetic health strategies.

This does not mean there is not ebb and flow, or that there will never be adversity in the process. In truth, from my personal experiences, the deeper I dug to uncover the blockages that laid in front of me, even if I laid them there myself, the more my body showed “reactions” (in Chinese medicine it’s called “releases”). I realized that through my perception, I get to decide whether or not that was going to stop me from continuing the process of healing myself, my future AND my past.

I share this because I want to show myself to you in my own healing journey. I want to honor where I was and where I am now. I want to serve as a example of what a path of personal healing looks like. It’s not always pretty, it’s not always forward motion, but it is dedication and compassion.

There are people out here that understand how hard it is to love oneself sometimes; and I have dedicated myself as a person that is here to help you get closer to that.

I sincerely thank you for reading.

COVID-19

Fear is fear.

Fear of the virus is fear.

Fear of conspiracy is fear.

Your mentality, your beliefs, and your consciousness all affect your physiology.


And fear is the silent killer.

This is a well studied topic, and there is a very clear, scientific reason behind this that I will get into towards the end of this blog.


When you’re arguing with someone about their disbelief in the seriousness of COVID, you’re likely arguing with someone who is fearful of the government stripping them of their liberties. This includes people concerned with conspiracy theories. Yes, this includes the protesters gathering en masse against the lock down.

On the other hand, when you’re arguing with someone about the “facts and statistics” of COVID, you’re likely arguing with someone who is fearful of the virus killing them or those they love. That is the most primal of fears, the fear of death. Something most of us can relate to.

Trying to force others into your version of fear will not help anything.

Yes, media is driven by fear. Historically, this has always been the case. It gives them higher ratings. This is a natural phenomena. People have a morbid sense of comfort knowing the worst possible things that could happen. Choose your news sources wisely, and if you catch yourself becoming too absorbed in it, try making a point to put down your phone, turn off the television and go outside.

This virus is obviously real and we must take it seriously, if not for ourselves, for others. Wear a mask when you go to indoor, public spaces.But understand that these precautions are put into place to MINIMIZE exposure; it is next to impossible to eliminate exposure 100%.

I believe that the best thing we can do for ourselves is to keep a level head.

We must:

- Know our resources, count our blessings and not our misfortunes.

- Move our bodies, take plenty of walks and drink ample water.

- Look after our neighbors and fellow humans.

- Be willing to adapt; know that for the most part, facts do not exist.

We are learning about this virus in real time. It will be years before we see actual statistics, and even still, they likely will not reflect the reality of the situation due to our lack of access to tests, the efficacy of the tests themselves, and at that, our inability to test every single being in the US.

No one has the answers when it comes to this virus and the power behind it.

Not you, not I. Let that sink in and humble yourself.

The immune system helps you fight attacks on the inside. The adrenal system helps you fight attacks from the outside.

When we perceive an external threat, the body releases stress hormones. The stress hormones take the energy of the body and stops funding the functions that are not helping you outrun the external threat. Blood is preferentially sent to your extremities to help you fight or run away from the threat. Stress hormones shut down the immune system.

In other words: FEAR FEEDS THE VIRUS.

Humans are built to be adaptable. We are incredibly resilient. Honor your own resiliency, find comfort in what you CAN do to help yourself and have compassion for those who do not see it your way.